so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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