We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
