I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
