my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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