I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
