The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
