My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
