We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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