absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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