I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
