The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
