So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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