I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
