Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
