you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
