The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
