i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
