I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
