I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
