if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
