You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
