I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize