yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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