he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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