I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
