3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I touched a dick in church today
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
