omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
