She said her name was "party"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
