is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
