she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
