is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
