At least make sure they are 18
Why
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
