your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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