I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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