I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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