i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
