My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
