if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize