he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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