In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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