she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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