I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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