All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
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