Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
