also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
