I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
