I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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