I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize