Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
