Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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