Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
