dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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