no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
