awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize