I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
