tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
