like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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