he was CRYING into my vagina
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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