May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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