My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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