i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
