Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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