Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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