8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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