It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
