they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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