even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
