In the future we'll all be gay
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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